Being that no one reads this its safe to say no one has noticed i haven't blogged in a while. so without further ado i bring you my first blog of 2010.....in 3D!!!(not really but its today's topic)
Does anyone remember Jaws 3D? No? Well theres a reason for that. Here's the scenario; Hollywood introduces this style of movies that will change the industry forever. It's gonna be the next big thing and will be the standard for all movies to come...3D! This all happened before, in the 70s, the 80s, and it's happening again. But guess who's not falling for it, this guy.
There's one movie in particular that is really bothering me in the recent 3D craze. It's not the over-the-top, over-hyped, video-game looking, "Ferngully" rip-off. It's not the real-life sequel to a cartoon from the guy who ruined "Willy Wonka." It's not the unnecessary 4th film of a green monster's movie franchise. And it's not the part 3 of a movie about a "child's play things." It's "Step Up 3D." Talk about wasting a movie studios money. I don't know anyone that's seen either "Step Up "or "Step Up 2 the streets." Btw, "Step Up 2 the streets?" is it supposed to be a double entandre, like is it "Step Up 2: The Streets?" or is it "Step up to the streets?" Whatever, not important. Back to the part 3 of this glorious trilogy. I kind of want to see the first two movies just to see if there was any unanswered questions that will be resolved in the third film. And havent we seen this movie before? I can't imagine its going to be too different from; Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Save the Last Dance, Stomp the Yard, Step Up 1, Step Up 2, Take the Lead, Dance with Me, Shall We Dance?, You Got Served, or Twilight. Well maybe not Twilight, but do you see the relation? THey're all terrible. My point is I can probably tell you how this movie is gonna go....A rich kid meets up with some kids from the streets, doesn't fit in but when they realize he can dance he's challenged to some giant dance off at the end and they all get along. Or it can play out opposite where theres a street kid going to a rich neighborhood. Either way they're crap. I realized I changed gears from 3D movies to dance movies but in the end the same thing is happening. Two ideas that have been a)used to death and b)should never be combined are now together to create a movie that will probably, actually WILL be bad.
Step Up 3D would be as if after making all three Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson said "I think I'll make a fourth one, but this time I'll use hand puppets!" And what exactly is a third dimension in a dance movie gonna be like? What possibly can there be that we need to see in our face. Theres only one thing i wanna see coming at my face on a big screen, take not "Total Recall" producers.
3D is a thing of the past anyways. Hasn't anyone seen the Muppets 3D at MGM, ahem Hollywood Studios? I wear contact lenses, and you wannna know why? It's because I don't want to wear glasses. And you know who else doesn't want to wear glasses? Little kids! So keep rolling out all these Shreks, Toy Stories, Spy Kids, and any other crap your targeting towards kids, cuz you know what? Kids are retarded, have short attention spans, and after about 10 minutes those glasses are gonna be off and on the floor for some 16 year old high school kid to pick up. and you just wasted 8 cents on a pair of glasses that were, ironically enough, made by a kid in Taiwann who'd have to make about a million of those glasses to be able to afford to see one of those 3D movies. Not to mention another 3 million if he wants popcorn and a coke.
So next time you wanna go see a 3D movie just think about this...Every time you put on a pair of those 3D glasses, there's a kid in Africa that just died of AIDs.
