Just a bunch of stupid shit that pops in my head that i feel needs an electronic outlet for the world to read. It might be weird. It might be funny. It might not be weird. It might not be funny. But I promise it will be entertaining (hopefully). Enjoy!
So I've been wanting to go see a movie for a few months now, and I'm not sure if the reason I haven't gone is because i don't have a girlfriend to go with, but I'm almost certain its because theres nothing but crap out theree. By my count in the last eight months there has been 17 different vampire movies. ("by my count" = a stat I made up in order to prove my point or to exagerrate) I mean even Dewey Cox did a movie called The Vampire's Assistant. What? You've never heard of it?...Exactly!!
But back to what i think can help the movie industry. Everyone knows pleasurism is the best form of flattery, and that Hollywood loooves remaking movies so what i've done is made a list of movies that i think should be redone. I've included a movie poster and cast for the movies.
Ladies and gentleman, I present the future of Hollywood..... Short Circuit 2: Re-deux
Aziz Ansari, David Spade, and Number Johnny 5
.........................ok so in doing some research for this blog i found an article with Steve Guttenberg which led me to stop writing this blog.
In the article "The Gutt," as i so affectionately like to call him, mentions that there are some films that he previously had starred in that he feels are up for a sequel or a remake. Heres some of them...
Short Circuit (remake) Three Men and a Bride (sequel) Police Academy (remake? sequel?)
All classics. But this brings me back to what i said in the begining, hollywood loves a remake, and if the rumors are true that any of those movies are in the works, then it looks like the future is bright....with the past.
Well i saw this commercial on TV, and thought it was very emotional.....until i reached the 1:38 mark. I don't want to sound insensitive about the polar bears, because i honestly almost cried when i saw this. But then Noah Wyle, Dr. John Carter of ER fame, starts talking about getting a free WWF t-shirt, and helping the WWF save the polar bears. I can't imagine I'm not the only person out there that thinks its funny when you hear about the WWF saving polar bears, and if I am sorry. But for the better part of my life the most ridiculous thing on TV was wrestling. (I say for the better part only cuz of all the crap reality shows on TV right now.....Brooke Hogan I'm talking to you.) Its been a few years since World Wrestling Federation becan World Wrestling Entertainment, but the WWF will always be a bunch of old men, juiced up with steroids, running around in spandex in a male version of "One Life to Live."
There's just something about this logo with the letters WWF that just doesn't seem right.....
TLC, Probably the most inappropriate name for a TV channel since MTV. I remember when TLC used to have shows that actually did teach things. They had doctor shows and really I’m not sure what else because who really watches the freaking learning channel. You took a channel that could actually educate some people and turned it into VH1-Light. I recently started looking at the shows on TLC and began to be very annoyed. Let’s take a look at some of their shows….
John & Kate + 8
Let’s start with the show that pisses me off more than any other one. Why do I care if some stupid stuck up bitch and some Asian looking dude get divorced? Yea, I get they have 8 kids and they have their own show. But who cares? Are people’s lives that pathetic that they gotta stay home on a Monday night and watch some other people’s marriage falling apart? Where’s the entertainment in that? Hey TLC, you’re the learning channel, how many people are learning from a family with eight kids. The only people that have 8 kids are probably on welfare and live in some mid-west hick town with nothing else to do with their time. And let’s be honest, do you really think they have cable?
American Chopper
TLC, what the fuck did you do to American Chopper? Remember when it was a show about motorcycles, and you occasionally got the father and son arguing and yelling at each other. I put it on the other day and they got some random people building bikes, Paul Sr. is writing books, and Paul Jr. is opening a boutique. Geez you took a show made for guys and turned it into a show that that a 12 year old girl invites her friends over to watch after they read the latest twilight book.
Miami Ink
Well here’s a great idea for a show. Let’s get some tattoo artists and follow their customers. I bet the people that came up with this one are the same geniuses that came up with the McRib. Look i'm sure there are some interesting stories of how or why people get their tats, but really do we need to learn about it on the Learning Channel. Hey Miami Ink, take your show to Bravo where the housewives of where ever they’re from can watch you paint a Woody Woodpecker tattoo on some drunk idiot from Indiana.
LA Ink
(See above)
……last but not least,
Little People, Big World
Holy Shit! Is there a creepier show on TV today? I got nothing against the midgets, or dwarfs, or little people or whatever they wanna be called. But to have a half hour show following them around is kind of scary to me. I saw ten minutes of the show once and had nightmares for a month. I didn’t even know what the people on the show did until I started writing this. Apparently they run a farm. Really? A farm? What is it, an ant farm? I hope at least when I go there to get greeted by the lollipop guild.
But I will give you this TLC, you’ve educated me on how with hard work, perseverance, and a butt load of money from the Discovery Channel networks, anyone can be successful as long as you follow them around with a TV camera.
Wuddup? Alright i've never done this before, not really sure what i'm supposed to do exactly. I'm thinking maybe I should just be writing some stuff i've been thinking about. Nothing deep, or emotional...thats just not my style.
I'll start with something thats really been bothering me. Transformers. What the fuck man? The first one was one of the worst films i've seen in some time. Don't get me wrong i had a great time at the movies when i went to see it. But i heard people saying "it was fucking awesome," "i can't wait for part 2," and other bullshit like that. The movie was terrible, there was no plot, the acting was terrible, and it looked like every other overhyped over-directed Michael Bay movie. OK I take it back, there was plot, just a crappy one. It was an entertaining movie, shit blowing up, fast cars, hot girl, but it lacked in some of the othere things that make a good film. I'm saying all of this with every intention of going to see part 2 soon, but i just wanted to put it out there that i think this movie will be alot worse than the first one, but we'll all be too distracted by all the explosions and Megan Fox close ups to notice.
