Proof of purchase

I never understood why things you buy have the proof of purchase thing. When are you going to have to show proof that you bought season 4 of Smallville on DVD? And in the rare case that you do need the proof of purchase, its almost impossible to take off. Its on the bottom of the cereal box by the UPC so you have to open both sides of the box to get it off and then you're stuck with a cereal bag with a broken box. Or its under that clear lining on DVD cases that's a pain the ass to get under. The only time I'd ever see the need for one of these is in this scenario...

Two boys are discussing what they got for Christmas. One boy says, "I got the new playstation 4" the other boy says, "na ahh" and the first boy says, "oh yea, I got the the proof of purchase."

Highly unlikely scenario, but its the only case where I see one can be useful.
I'm not sure who to direct my frustration to, but to whom it may concern, you know that paper that comes out of the register that says the product we bought and how much we payed for it? Its called a receipt and that's our proof of purchase.

Fans

Fans

Anyone else notice that there are a lot of people out there that don't know what it means to be a REAL fan? If you live in Miami its not that hard to notice. The word fan comes from the word fanatic, which is defined as "a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." UNCRITICAL, probably the most important part of the definition. There are times when the teams we support might do things we don't like or don't agree with, but guess what? There isn't much we can do about it. So the only thing to do is take it for what it is and hope it all works out for the best. Take a look around South Florida sports and you'll see stuff that would frustrate fans in every sport.

Lets start with the most obvious, the Marlins. Yes they've been cheap. Yes they've had money they could've or should've spent on players. And yes management has said that it doesn't bother them that they've made decisions they know are not going to be popular with fans. But the bottom line is this. This team has won 2 World Series in their 17 years of existence, that's more than the Heat, Dolphins and Panthers combined in that same time. And they secured their future in Miami with a stadium. There might have been some shadiness in the way the stadium deal went down, but frankly I don't care. Management found a way to keep my team in my hometown for me and my kids. Thank you Florida Marlins!

The Marlins have asked the fans to be patient until they move to the new stadium before they spend more money. The Heat had been asking fans to be patient until the summer of 2010 and didn't receive any of the same criticism for doing so. Obviously it ended up being better than anyone could've imagined for the Heat fan, but the point is the Heat were almost throwing away the past 3 seasons. In those same years the Marlins have never finished last, or close to it. (Except in payroll and attendance) I love the Heat, but I don't remember hearing them getting criticized when they wanted their new arena. They got 2 new arenas before they ever won anything. The Marlins are just now getting their own home after 17 years and 2 championships. Having said those things, the Heat are the best run organization in all of sports. And Florida Marlins, you got until 2012. After that you better start making some moves.

Moving on to the Dolphins…talk about frustrating! No day games in September or October!?!? Stephen Ross, thank you for taking away our home field advantage. I think it's amazing that the one team down here that hasn't won anything or even made it to a championship game in 20 years is still the #1 team. You know why? They have tradition. Our parents grew up with the Dolphins and passed that love on to us. Our other teams don't have that…………..

………I'm gonna stop right there. Mostly because this blog entry went a totally different direction than I intended, but also because I don't want to discuss the Panthers.

I originally wanted to talk about the fans that annoy me. So here we go!

Annoying college football fans:
The fans that annoy me the most. You graduated 3 years ago, act like it. I don't need you to chomp at me, tomahawk me, show me the U or any other hand signal your school does every time I see you. I also don't need to hear how awesome your team is going to be this year. They're going to lose, act accordingly. I especially don't want to hear about players from your school if they're not on my pro team. "Don't boo him he went to the U.' Fuck him! He doesn't play there anymore and we're playing his current team in the playoffs. Also, heres the biggest cop out in all of sports, your school loses and then you immediately jump on the team from your conference's bandwagon. How the hell are you going to root for another SEC team if you're a Gator? Stick to your team and say fucke 'em all, regardless of conference.

Face/Body Painters:
Is there anything dumber?....especially here in Florida? Heres an idea lets go outside in 100 degree weather, paint our entire body and sweat for 6 hours. Do these people have mirrors at their houses? It was cute when I was in high school and I maybe painted a C on my cheek, but for grown men to do this on a consistent basis? I mean come on. I don't want my $80 white Yeremiah Bell jersey stained with your sweaty aqua chest paint. Just because you painted yourself doesn't make you a bigger fan, it just makes you a bigger idiot. I have a suggestion, get all those idiots out in front of the stadium, give fans paintball guns with the team colors and let us shoot them until they decide not to do it anymore.

Rich People at Sporting events:
Notice I didn't say "rich fans." There's a difference. How many times have you been watching a Heat game and you see some rich couple dressed like they just left the latest premier party for the Real Housewives of the Jersey Shore? You're douches!!! Richard Grieko called, he wants his look from "A Night at the Roxbury" back. How about you give someone that actually cares those seats and go eat an overpriced 6 ounce steak at some outh Beach Restaurant.

People in Suites not watching the game:
….see above

Bandwagoners:
Miami gets a bad rap for having only bandwagon fans. But guess what? They're everywhere. The Cubs' fans, the greatest most loyal fans in any sports, they're games aren't selling out now. Why? How about because they're 24 games under .500. The Cleveland Indians would sell out Jacobs Field every night in the mid 90s when they were winning. Now nothing. The Knicks sell out with a bad team yea, but they've got 4 million people in their city. My point is that if you're not going to support the team when they're at their worst, don't come celebrate with me when they win a championship.

Girlfriends at games:
This doesn't really affect me but I do have certain feelings towards it. If you don't care about the sport or team, don't go. It's a fight waiting to happen. If its just the two of you, that's fine. But if your boy is going with all his friends don't expect him to give you his undivided attention. Also, for the most part, I like to go and watch the game. I don't want to sit there and explain every detail of the game every 15 seconds.
…for future reference, just in case I get a girlfriend and she reads this.
I love having you at the games with me!!! Every second we spend together is magical. I couldn't think of any other person I'd like to spend a sporting event with. And all the questions you ask me about the game are great because that just means I get to here you beautiful voice.
Just to wrap things up let me just say being a fan isn't easy. It takes a lot of work and is emotionally draining. Maybe one day I'll live in a world where all my teams are always undefeated but until then I'll have to settle on the Marlins giving me a heart attack every night, the Dolphins teasing me every 3 years, the Panthers never making the playoffs, and as for the Heat….looks like I'm going to be spending a lot of money on championship gear for years to come.

Vamps

Quick one on Vampires:

I'm tired of all of you! By you I mean people obsessed with vampires. I can't hate on vampires because they're not real. You heard? THEY'RE NOT REAL. I don't wanna hear about how much you all looove Eric from true blood. He's pale skinned, like 200 years old and will kill you for your blood. How is this sexy? Or romantic? I just don't get it. Someone out there needs to explain how these weirdos have gone from being attractions at Halloween Horror nights to sex symbols. And Robert Patterson or Pattinson or whatever the fuck his name is. The guy looks like Benicio del Toro and Powder had a gay inbred son. The Twilight saga?? You took harry potter and just gayed it up more than it already was. I've already seen movies with vampires vs werewolves. Its called Underworld. There's lots more action and Kate Beckinsale is 10x hotter than any bad actress in any those twilight "films."
All that vampire crap can suck it....and yes there was a pun intended.