Proof of purchase

I never understood why things you buy have the proof of purchase thing. When are you going to have to show proof that you bought season 4 of Smallville on DVD? And in the rare case that you do need the proof of purchase, its almost impossible to take off. Its on the bottom of the cereal box by the UPC so you have to open both sides of the box to get it off and then you're stuck with a cereal bag with a broken box. Or its under that clear lining on DVD cases that's a pain the ass to get under. The only time I'd ever see the need for one of these is in this scenario...

Two boys are discussing what they got for Christmas. One boy says, "I got the new playstation 4" the other boy says, "na ahh" and the first boy says, "oh yea, I got the the proof of purchase."

Highly unlikely scenario, but its the only case where I see one can be useful.
I'm not sure who to direct my frustration to, but to whom it may concern, you know that paper that comes out of the register that says the product we bought and how much we payed for it? Its called a receipt and that's our proof of purchase.

Fans

Fans

Anyone else notice that there are a lot of people out there that don't know what it means to be a REAL fan? If you live in Miami its not that hard to notice. The word fan comes from the word fanatic, which is defined as "a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." UNCRITICAL, probably the most important part of the definition. There are times when the teams we support might do things we don't like or don't agree with, but guess what? There isn't much we can do about it. So the only thing to do is take it for what it is and hope it all works out for the best. Take a look around South Florida sports and you'll see stuff that would frustrate fans in every sport.

Lets start with the most obvious, the Marlins. Yes they've been cheap. Yes they've had money they could've or should've spent on players. And yes management has said that it doesn't bother them that they've made decisions they know are not going to be popular with fans. But the bottom line is this. This team has won 2 World Series in their 17 years of existence, that's more than the Heat, Dolphins and Panthers combined in that same time. And they secured their future in Miami with a stadium. There might have been some shadiness in the way the stadium deal went down, but frankly I don't care. Management found a way to keep my team in my hometown for me and my kids. Thank you Florida Marlins!

The Marlins have asked the fans to be patient until they move to the new stadium before they spend more money. The Heat had been asking fans to be patient until the summer of 2010 and didn't receive any of the same criticism for doing so. Obviously it ended up being better than anyone could've imagined for the Heat fan, but the point is the Heat were almost throwing away the past 3 seasons. In those same years the Marlins have never finished last, or close to it. (Except in payroll and attendance) I love the Heat, but I don't remember hearing them getting criticized when they wanted their new arena. They got 2 new arenas before they ever won anything. The Marlins are just now getting their own home after 17 years and 2 championships. Having said those things, the Heat are the best run organization in all of sports. And Florida Marlins, you got until 2012. After that you better start making some moves.

Moving on to the Dolphins…talk about frustrating! No day games in September or October!?!? Stephen Ross, thank you for taking away our home field advantage. I think it's amazing that the one team down here that hasn't won anything or even made it to a championship game in 20 years is still the #1 team. You know why? They have tradition. Our parents grew up with the Dolphins and passed that love on to us. Our other teams don't have that…………..

………I'm gonna stop right there. Mostly because this blog entry went a totally different direction than I intended, but also because I don't want to discuss the Panthers.

I originally wanted to talk about the fans that annoy me. So here we go!

Annoying college football fans:
The fans that annoy me the most. You graduated 3 years ago, act like it. I don't need you to chomp at me, tomahawk me, show me the U or any other hand signal your school does every time I see you. I also don't need to hear how awesome your team is going to be this year. They're going to lose, act accordingly. I especially don't want to hear about players from your school if they're not on my pro team. "Don't boo him he went to the U.' Fuck him! He doesn't play there anymore and we're playing his current team in the playoffs. Also, heres the biggest cop out in all of sports, your school loses and then you immediately jump on the team from your conference's bandwagon. How the hell are you going to root for another SEC team if you're a Gator? Stick to your team and say fucke 'em all, regardless of conference.

Face/Body Painters:
Is there anything dumber?....especially here in Florida? Heres an idea lets go outside in 100 degree weather, paint our entire body and sweat for 6 hours. Do these people have mirrors at their houses? It was cute when I was in high school and I maybe painted a C on my cheek, but for grown men to do this on a consistent basis? I mean come on. I don't want my $80 white Yeremiah Bell jersey stained with your sweaty aqua chest paint. Just because you painted yourself doesn't make you a bigger fan, it just makes you a bigger idiot. I have a suggestion, get all those idiots out in front of the stadium, give fans paintball guns with the team colors and let us shoot them until they decide not to do it anymore.

Rich People at Sporting events:
Notice I didn't say "rich fans." There's a difference. How many times have you been watching a Heat game and you see some rich couple dressed like they just left the latest premier party for the Real Housewives of the Jersey Shore? You're douches!!! Richard Grieko called, he wants his look from "A Night at the Roxbury" back. How about you give someone that actually cares those seats and go eat an overpriced 6 ounce steak at some outh Beach Restaurant.

People in Suites not watching the game:
….see above

Bandwagoners:
Miami gets a bad rap for having only bandwagon fans. But guess what? They're everywhere. The Cubs' fans, the greatest most loyal fans in any sports, they're games aren't selling out now. Why? How about because they're 24 games under .500. The Cleveland Indians would sell out Jacobs Field every night in the mid 90s when they were winning. Now nothing. The Knicks sell out with a bad team yea, but they've got 4 million people in their city. My point is that if you're not going to support the team when they're at their worst, don't come celebrate with me when they win a championship.

Girlfriends at games:
This doesn't really affect me but I do have certain feelings towards it. If you don't care about the sport or team, don't go. It's a fight waiting to happen. If its just the two of you, that's fine. But if your boy is going with all his friends don't expect him to give you his undivided attention. Also, for the most part, I like to go and watch the game. I don't want to sit there and explain every detail of the game every 15 seconds.
…for future reference, just in case I get a girlfriend and she reads this.
I love having you at the games with me!!! Every second we spend together is magical. I couldn't think of any other person I'd like to spend a sporting event with. And all the questions you ask me about the game are great because that just means I get to here you beautiful voice.
Just to wrap things up let me just say being a fan isn't easy. It takes a lot of work and is emotionally draining. Maybe one day I'll live in a world where all my teams are always undefeated but until then I'll have to settle on the Marlins giving me a heart attack every night, the Dolphins teasing me every 3 years, the Panthers never making the playoffs, and as for the Heat….looks like I'm going to be spending a lot of money on championship gear for years to come.

Vamps

Quick one on Vampires:

I'm tired of all of you! By you I mean people obsessed with vampires. I can't hate on vampires because they're not real. You heard? THEY'RE NOT REAL. I don't wanna hear about how much you all looove Eric from true blood. He's pale skinned, like 200 years old and will kill you for your blood. How is this sexy? Or romantic? I just don't get it. Someone out there needs to explain how these weirdos have gone from being attractions at Halloween Horror nights to sex symbols. And Robert Patterson or Pattinson or whatever the fuck his name is. The guy looks like Benicio del Toro and Powder had a gay inbred son. The Twilight saga?? You took harry potter and just gayed it up more than it already was. I've already seen movies with vampires vs werewolves. Its called Underworld. There's lots more action and Kate Beckinsale is 10x hotter than any bad actress in any those twilight "films."
All that vampire crap can suck it....and yes there was a pun intended.

"Socializing"

Let me begin this by saying I use Facebook and Twitter a lot. And I enjoy doing so. But in recent weeks I've been following a lot more people and have been noticing a pattern going on. Two things have come to my attention in the social media craze and it that people need to 1.)Get a life and 2.)Get some REAL friends. All these status and twitter updates are getting ridiculous. Here are some of my favorite status/tweets.

Traffic updates:
I don't need to hear that you're stuck in traffic. Its Miami, it's the morning theres always traffic. If I need a traffic update I'll listen to the radio. I'm not concerned if you're stuck in a school zone and that its raining and you'd rather be in bed. I have a window and I'd always rather be in bed.

Gym updates:
Do I really need to know when you're getting sweaty? Here's an idea post a picture when you're fat and post another when you're skinny, and if anyone cares enough they'll ask you if you've been working out. And attention fat people that are "always at the gym" it won't do you any good if you keep eating out and don't watch your diet. 2 hours at the gym everyday with only 20 minutes of actual workout time on the bike ain't gonna cut it.

Sad/emotional updates:
Is this really the best outlet to share your feelings? Ever heard of a phone? Call one of your friends and talk it out. 547 people that are your "friends" on Facebook aren't going to care if you wish you had someone special in your life. Go out and talk to people. I feel for you, we all have shitty days. But going on the internet posting how sad you are *hoping* somebody asks whats wrong isn't exactly the best therapy.

Random/Attempting to be funny statuses:
Guilty. I fall into this category. But I think I'm rather funny so I don't see a problem here. To be honest though I kind of hope people read them and realize that they take these things way to seriously. I mean I almost felt bad the other day when someone had as their status that they had the worst day ever, and it was right on top op my "I wish Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers was still on TV" status. Lighten up people! It's the internet. It's supposed to be used for porn and reading about people in Hollywood and sports whose lives we wish we had.

TV/Movie updates:
Hey, not everyone has the chance to see their favorite shows the first time they air. Give some of us a chance to watch our DVRs before you go and post every plot twist from the season 4 finale of Dexter. (Someone I know had Dexter ruined by Danica Patrick on Twitter) And I really don't need your opinion on this weeks box office hit. If you want to share it, write a blog and maybe your mom will read it one day. If I wanted a shitty opinion about a movie I'd read the Herald.

And by far my favorite one…..
The "let me tell you every detail of my life every 37 seconds":
Holy shit! Come on! You know why TMZ is so popular? Because the stupid shit they show people doing is of celebrities. Just because you have 800 facebook friends and 100 followers on twitter doesn't make you a celebrity. Corey Feldman buying Ritz crackers at a 7-11 is 10x more interesting than you telling me that you just got out of work and are going to go spend time with your babe. On your way to work? Good for you. But I'm not your boss and we don't work together so I'm not interested. Going to sleep? I wasn't talking to you anyways. Need some coffee? Go to bed earlier and stop being such a bitch. Going out for lunch? If it's better than what I'm having, well fuck you. Just cleaned your room? Is this such a momentous occasion that you have to share it with everyone? You're a pig and it should've been clean already. Got a new cell phone and need everyone's numbers? If anyone really cared they'd call you. Really need a vacation? We all do, how about you take a vacation from being such a loser.

People need to stop taking these things so seriously. We don't measure our importance by the amount of friends we have on Facebook or the amount of followers we have on Twitter. The only true way to measure how much people love us is by the number of people you have on your BBM.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

My newest blog......in 3D!!!

Being that no one reads this its safe to say no one has noticed i haven't blogged in a while. so without further ado i bring you my first blog of 2010.....in 3D!!!(not really but its today's topic)

Does anyone remember Jaws 3D? No? Well theres a reason for that. Here's the scenario; Hollywood introduces this style of movies that will change the industry forever. It's gonna be the next big thing and will be the standard for all movies to come...3D! This all happened before, in the 70s, the 80s, and it's happening again. But guess who's not falling for it, this guy.

There's one movie in particular that is really bothering me in the recent 3D craze. It's not the over-the-top, over-hyped, video-game looking, "Ferngully" rip-off. It's not the real-life sequel to a cartoon from the guy who ruined "Willy Wonka." It's not the unnecessary 4th film of a green monster's movie franchise. And it's not the part 3 of a movie about a "child's play things." It's "Step Up 3D." Talk about wasting a movie studios money. I don't know anyone that's seen either "Step Up "or "Step Up 2 the streets." Btw, "Step Up 2 the streets?" is it supposed to be a double entandre, like is it "Step Up 2: The Streets?" or is it "Step up to the streets?" Whatever, not important. Back to the part 3 of this glorious trilogy. I kind of want to see the first two movies just to see if there was any unanswered questions that will be resolved in the third film. And havent we seen this movie before? I can't imagine its going to be too different from; Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Save the Last Dance, Stomp the Yard, Step Up 1, Step Up 2, Take the Lead, Dance with Me, Shall We Dance?, You Got Served, or Twilight. Well maybe not Twilight, but do you see the relation? THey're all terrible. My point is I can probably tell you how this movie is gonna go....A rich kid meets up with some kids from the streets, doesn't fit in but when they realize he can dance he's challenged to some giant dance off at the end and they all get along. Or it can play out opposite where theres a street kid going to a rich neighborhood. Either way they're crap. I realized I changed gears from 3D movies to dance movies but in the end the same thing is happening. Two ideas that have been a)used to death and b)should never be combined are now together to create a movie that will probably, actually WILL be bad.

Step Up 3D would be as if after making all three Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson said "I think I'll make a fourth one, but this time I'll use hand puppets!" And what exactly is a third dimension in a dance movie gonna be like? What possibly can there be that we need to see in our face. Theres only one thing i wanna see coming at my face on a big screen, take not "Total Recall" producers.

3D is a thing of the past anyways. Hasn't anyone seen the Muppets 3D at MGM, ahem Hollywood Studios? I wear contact lenses, and you wannna know why? It's because I don't want to wear glasses. And you know who else doesn't want to wear glasses? Little kids! So keep rolling out all these Shreks, Toy Stories, Spy Kids, and any other crap your targeting towards kids, cuz you know what? Kids are retarded, have short attention spans, and after about 10 minutes those glasses are gonna be off and on the floor for some 16 year old high school kid to pick up. and you just wasted 8 cents on a pair of glasses that were, ironically enough, made by a kid in Taiwann who'd have to make about a million of those glasses to be able to afford to see one of those 3D movies. Not to mention another 3 million if he wants popcorn and a coke.

So next time you wanna go see a 3D movie just think about this...Every time you put on a pair of those 3D glasses, there's a kid in Africa that just died of AIDs.